You Can't Pour From an Empty Cup


I am overwhelmingly tired. I am sad. I am depressed. I have been in bed for almost a week. I am moody to the point of bitchiness. I am sullen. I have cried more in this last week and a half than I care to tell you about. I feel empty.

In this time, I have only reached out to a few people. Not because I don't have people around me to support me but because I don't want to feel like a burden to them. In the times that I do reach out, the question that everyone asks me is "what do you need?" Even my therapist has asked me this question. I still cannot answer it. Because I feel so empty, I don't know what I need to fill it back up.

I was told that I'm a mother , I'm not allowed to shut down. I was also told that this week when the only thing that comforted me was sleep and a dark room, that some people wouldn't or didn't notice it because it's what I do anyway. Both of these statements hurt my feelings. Sometimes I think, what do I have to do to get people to fully understand what I'm feeling on the inside that I cannot express with words on the outside.

I realize that sometimes, there is nothing that I can do but take care of me. In an effort to be the best me that I can be, I have to rest. I have to give myself a chance to figure out some things for myself. Yes, I am a mother, but how am I to fully take care of them when I'm not in the right head space. Yes, I'm a wife, but how can I live out the responsibilities that come along with it if I'm tired and weak and sullen.

It's the season of Advent. It's a time of joyful expectation and wonder for the coming of the Savior on Christmas morning. I have to remind myself that nowadays. Something greater is coming. SOMEONE greater is coming. This feeling, while real and true and honest and palpable; is temporary. Even though my cup is empty, Jesus will come to help me refill it. He will also come to remind me that if I feel like my cup is empty again (and I'm sure I'll feel this way again) He will give me what I need to help somebody else.

I HAVE to take the time out to replenish my cup. If not, depression, anxiety, angst, and a whole lot of other things will consume me and I will lash out then I'll probably have to call my sister. Sometimes, we may not know what we need at any given moment. In those times, I find it best to take the time out to discover those needs so that your cup won't be empty for long and you'll be about to pour out God's grace through your own life.

Be blessed. Be bold. Be beautiful.



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